How Can You Support a Husband With Addiction Without Enabling Him?

Supporting a family member who is struggling with addiction can take a toll on your everyday life, causing both emotional and psychological distress. This is especially true if that family member is your husband. A spouse’s addiction to drugs or alcohol can have a major impact on your marriage and family’s financial stability. While you know they need help, it’s sometimes hard to know how to deal with a husband’s addiction and the best way to assist them.

 

husband addiction how to deal with it

Table of contents

» What’s the Difference Between Supporting and Enabling?

» Why Is It So Hard to Set Boundaries With a Spouse Who Struggles with Addiction?

» Should You Stay or Leave When Your Husband Refuses Rehab?

» Can Love Alone Help Your Husband Overcome Addiction?

» Key Takeaways on How to Deal With a Husband’s Addiction

» Resources


What’s the Difference Between Supporting and Enabling?

There is no denying that any person fighting an addiction needs the love and support of their family and friends to give them the motivation and courage they need to be successful. However, when the person who has an addiction is your husband, you may want to help them turn their life around so much that your support ends up having the opposite effect and enables them to continue their behavior.

According to the American Psychological Association, enabling is the act of passively permitting or unwittingly encouraging a partner or friend to continue their current behavior.

An example: Your husband is undergoing treatment for alcohol addiction and you receive a call from your local police department. He has been arrested for disorderly conduct and public intoxication, and someone needs to pay his bail to be released. You immediately go to the police department, bail out your husband, and never talk about what happened. This enables him to continue his behavior rather than supporting him by taking steps to check into addiction rehab.

Other examples of enabling behavior include:

  • Keeping your loved one’s addiction secret and not telling other family members or close friends about it.
  • Making excuses for behavior caused by addiction, such as not arriving at work on time or frequently being out late at night.
  • Not discussing the consequences of addictive behavior, such as an arrest or violent behavior.
  • Protecting a person from their addiction’s ramifications, such as paying their utility bill or rent.
  • They provide them with money they did not earn and don’t specify what it will be used for.
  • Allowing your spouse to enact their addictive behavior, such as drinking alcohol, in front of you.
  • Tolerating abuse when your spouse’s behavior becomes erratic or violent.
  • Not setting boundaries, such as attending addiction rehab, or setting boundaries, but there are no consequences if they are not followed through.
  • Completely avoiding the topic of your husband’s addiction and pretending like it’s not there.

Why Is It So Hard to Set Boundaries With a Spouse Who Struggles with Addiction?

No one ever wants to fight with their spouse or think they’re bad people who can’t be trusted. This is why it can be so hard to figure out how to deal with a husband’s addiction.

Setting personal boundaries provides you with invisible protective barriers that can make it easier for you to support your husband as he goes through addiction treatment.

Healthy boundaries can also help shield you and the rest of your family from any negative behavior from your spouse, give you the power to say no to an action you are not comfortable with, and provide the space for self-care for people with an addict in the family.

Having boundaries in place helps ensure you are supporting, not enabling, your husband throughout his recovery.

Examples of Boundaries

Some boundaries you might set for a spouse with an addiction problem include:

  • Never allowing drug or alcohol use in front of you or your children, or your home.
  • Keeping them accountable for attending therapy and support group meetings.
  • Not providing them with money when they do not specify what it’s for.
  • Never making excuses for their behavior to family, friends, or work colleagues.
  • At no time should they be bailed out of jail or assisted with the legal consequences of their actions.
  • Demanding they respect your physical space.
  • Making it clear that any verbal, emotional, or physical abuse is unacceptable.
  • Not allowing them to make you feel guilty or to blame for their actions.
  • Keeping your personal beliefs and ethics strong.

Tips for Setting Boundaries

  • Understand your priorities and values, and construct your healthy boundaries based on those.
  • Speak out and openly, and make sure you are heard.
  • Communicate the specifics of your boundaries, so there is no misunderstanding.
  • Set consequences if your boundaries are not respected.
  • Respect any personal boundaries your husband, other family members, or friends set.

Should You Stay or Leave When Your Husband Refuses Rehab?

Whether you decide to stay with your husband or not, if he will not check himself into an addiction rehabilitation program is an extremely personal decision. Past studies show that about 35% of divorces are caused by a spouse having a substance abuse problem.

The adage that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. Your husband needs to want to get help for their addiction. While you can put them on the path towards recovery with your support and love, your husband actually needs to walk down the recovery path to make it successful.

If you are struggling with getting your husband to seek therapy for his addiction, and you are unsure whether or not you should stay in your relationship, it’s time for you to seek professional support from a mental health professional who specializes in addiction recovery. They can guide you on how effective rehab is for a loved one, how to help your husband get the help he needs, and provide you with the support you need to help hold your marriage together.


Talk to Our Recovery Specialist
Transform Your Life Today
Talk to Our Recovery Specialist

Call Now: (239) 237-5473


What our customers are saying


Can Love Alone Help Your Husband Overcome Addiction?

While love is undoubtedly part of the equation, it is unfortunately not the only thing that will get your husband the help he needs. When you love someone, you never want to say no to them or deny them anything. This can make it difficult for you to hold firm to your boundaries, make it seem like your husband’s behavior is acceptable, and not hold them accountable for their actions.

Here are some of our top tips on how to deal with a husband’s addiction and provide him with both love and support without enabling:

  • Educate yourself about addiction to fully understand what addiction is and what your spouse is going through.
  • Encourage your partner to seek help for their addiction through an open, non-defensive conversation.
  • Respect that your husband is on his road to recovery, and understand that the process takes time.
  • Take part in their recovery program as requested.
  • Seek out support groups for you and the rest of your family.
  • Establish your healthy boundaries and stick to them.
  • Don’t forget to take care of yourself.

Talk to Our Recovery Specialist
Transform Your Life Today
Talk to Our Recovery Specialist

Call Now: (239) 237-5473


dealing with husband addiction

Key Takeaways on How to Deal With a Husband’s Addiction

  • Knowing how to deal with a husband’s addiction can be hard.
  • It’s important to support your spouse as they work on turning their life around.
  • Sometimes what you think of as support is actually enabling your husband to continue their behavior.
  • Setting and adhering to healthy boundaries can make it easier for you to support your husband as they receives treatment.
  • Seek assistance from a mental health professional if your husband is refusing treatment and if you need help in providing the proper support.

WhiteSands Treatment offers an array of addiction treatment options throughout Florida. Our fully licensed and highly experienced mental health professionals provide several treatment options, including medical detox and both inpatient and outpatient rehabilitation, for drug, alcohol, and prescription drug addictions. Patients are provided the tools and support to recover and prevent relapse successfully. WhiteSands Treatment also offers family therapy to support those caring for a person with an addiction.

If your husband needs help with an addiction, please call the WhiteSands Treatment at (877) 855-3470 to learn more about how our addiction specialists can help.


Resources

If you or a loved one needs help with abuse and/or treatment, please call the WhiteSands Treatment at (877) 855-3470. Our addiction specialists can assess your recovery needs and help you get the addiction treatment that provides the best chance for your long-term recovery.

About the Author

Jaclyn

Jackie has been involved in the substance abuse and addiction treatment sector for over five years and this is something that she is truly eager about. She has a passion for writing and continuously works to create informative pieces that not only educate and inform the public about the disease of addiction but also provide solutions for those who struggle with drug and alcohol abuse.