Learning How To Overcome Codependency
Codependency is a danger to both parties in the relationship. Excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner results in an unhealthy situation. What may start out as trying to help someone with a drug or alcohol abuse problem too often turns to a codependency. Knowing how to overcome codependency in relationships can save a marriage, family tie, or friendship.
How To Overcome Codependency
In order to learn how to overcome codependency, you must first know if you are in that type of enabling relationship. Codependents struggle with some of the following problems.
- Often takes responsibility for the inappropriate behavior and feelings of another person
- Always wants to please other people
- Has difficulty distinguishing between their own needs and desires from those of their partner
- Loses touch with their own individuality and personality
- Finds it impossible to leave controlling and abusive relationships
- Often resentful and feels victimized
- Fears rejection, loneliness, and being abandoned
- Makes excuses when their partner misses work, appointments, or family events
- Uses his or her own money to pay partner’s bills
- Loans money to partner even though he or she knows it will be used for drugs or alcohol
- Lies to cover up partner’s behavior
- Codependent always picks up the pieces allowing the partner to continue in his or her addiction
The list is only some of the more common things the enabler in the codependent relationship will do. If you recognize yourself in some of the behaviors listed, you need to get help to learn how to overcome codependency.
How To Fix A Codependent Relationship
Knowing how to fix a codependent relationship requires taking a step back to assess yourself and your behavior in the relationship. Take a notebook as you evaluate the relationship and jot down the answers to the following questions.
- When did the codependent pattern develop in this current relationship?
- Did codependency start in an earlier relationship and then continue with all your partners?
- Can you identify any of the characteristics from the list that apply to you in your relationship?
- When did you realize your relationship was dysfunctional?
- Are you willing to take a break from your partner to reconnect to yourself and be away from the codependent obsession in relationship?
You may be able to save your relationship by getting away from it and investing some time in yourself. Your partner also has time to take a look at his or her life and addiction and will hopefully decide it’s time to get rid of it. It may be you cannot reestablish the relationship when your partner is still involved in substance abuse. Engage the services of a therapist with experience in working with codependency. Your therapist will help you discover the codependent patterns in the relationship so that you can work through them and not engage in them again.
How To Help A Codependent Person
If you want to know how to help a codependent person, the first thing to do is to encourage them to journal every day. He or she needs to focus on who they are, what they want from life, and how to go about getting it. By keeping a daily journal of his or experiences, feelings, and thoughts the individual can learn more about who they are. As he or she rereads their journal entries, patterns of behavior, emotions, likes and dislikes will become clear and can be acted upon.
Setting personal boundaries with yourself will help you create the change needed in your life to get rid of the codependent mindset. One personal boundary that should be set is not neglecting your own needs to do something that will please another person. Draw a line in the sand and determine you will not cross it. Set a boundary for every codependent behavior you have been acting out. Focus on expressing your own needs instead of adapting them to please another person.
WhiteSands Addiction Treatment Centers in Tampa and Fort Myers FL can help the addict who is ready to take control of his or her life and is willing to make a commitment to detox, rehab, and recovery. Behavior therapy is also available for codependent personality. Call today at (877) 855-3470 and get on the path to recovery.
If you or a loved one needs help with abuse and/or treatment, please call the WhiteSands Treatment at (877) 855-3470. Our addiction specialists can assess your recovery needs and help you get the addiction treatment that provides the best chance for your long-term recovery.